I know that I haven’t posted anything in my WordPress blog in a long time, but with the whole big push towards AI, I thought I would mess around with ChatGPT and see what kind of outrageous shit it could come up with. My prompts are in italics, the ledes are in bold.

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write a satirical Onion story about donald trump’s fetish involving ketchup, overcooked steak, and diet coke

Donald Trump Reveals His Unusual Fetish for Ketchup, Overcooked Steak, and Diet Coke: ‘It’s a Power Thing’

New York, NY — In a stunning revelation, former President Donald Trump opened up about an unusual and deeply personal fetish involving ketchup, overcooked steak, and Diet Coke, calling it “an expression of power and dominance.” Trump, who famously claimed to prefer his steak “well done” and “with ketchup,” sat down for an exclusive interview with The Onion where he explained his passion for the trifecta of culinary oddities.

“It’s simple,” Trump said, reclining in a chair, a massive Diet Coke in hand. “When you’re a winner, you don’t need to worry about what people think. Ketchup is bold. Steak is bold. Overcooked steak? Even bolder. You don’t just eat it, you control it.”

Trump went on to describe the “complexity” of his fetish, stating that the charred exterior of a well-done steak represents his ability to “toughen up the weak,” while the gooey, thick red ketchup symbolizes his “endless strength, which nobody else can replicate.”

“I don’t care what anyone says about the meat being ruined. It’s not ruined. It’s enhanced. The meat can’t tell me what to do. The ketchup can’t tell me what to do. It’s freedom. It’s America. The Diet Coke is just a cherry on top of greatness.”

Insiders close to the former president confirmed that Trump often insists on having his steak cooked for at least 45 minutes, resulting in a charred, blackened exterior and an almost completely gray interior. Despite the widespread ridicule from culinary experts, Trump is unwavering in his insistence that his version of steak is the “best ever, by far.”

“Trust me, nobody knows steaks like I do,” Trump added with a grin. “When it’s overcooked, it’s like a metaphor for how I approach life—burn it all down and start fresh. Ketchup? Perfect. It’s like the icing on a cake, but for men. Strong men. It’s a sign of strength. That’s why Diet Coke is involved. It’s the drink of a winner.”

According to sources, this fetish has caused a number of awkward moments at Trump Tower, where staff have been instructed to prepare multiple steaks at varying levels of doneness, only to have Trump discard anything less than “brutally overcooked.” One source described a particularly bizarre dinner where Trump screamed at a chef for serving a “perfectly good steak,” before dunking it into an entire bottle of ketchup and declaring it “not nearly enough ketchup.”

“I’m telling you, if you’re not putting ketchup on your steak, you’re not living,” Trump declared, sipping his Diet Coke in what could only be described as a moment of deep self-reflection. “It’s like a luxury, and I’m the richest person to ever enjoy it.”

Despite the bizarre nature of his fetish, Trump’s unapologetic enthusiasm has sparked a wave of imitators, with some social media users taking to Twitter to post their own well-done steaks drowned in ketchup, often with the hashtag #TrumpDiet, to show their support for the former president’s “culinary genius.”

At press time, Trump was seen standing by a grill, fervently applying ketchup to his latest steak, while sipping Diet Coke and muttering about “winning in the kitchen and in life.”

add a follow up from of the japanese prime minister walking out because donald trump had kobe beef ruined because of his fetish at a state dinner

Japanese Prime Minister Storms Out of State Dinner After Trump Drowns Kobe Beef in Ketchup

Washington, D.C. — A high-profile state dinner at the White House descended into chaos last night after former President Donald Trump, in a move that shocked dignitaries and world leaders alike, insisted on having his premium Kobe beef steak cooked to the point of irreparable ruin and then smothered in ketchup. The act, described as “culinary sacrilege” by some, prompted Japanese Prime Minister Fumio Kishida to dramatically walk out of the event.

The incident occurred after Trump, seated next to Prime Minister Kishida, requested that the renowned chef prepare his Kobe beef “well done,” against all traditions of the prized meat, which is revered for its tender, marbled texture. The request was met with some hesitation, but the chef complied, only for Trump to proceed with his ritual.

“Look, if it’s not crispy and burnt to a crisp, I’m not eating it,” Trump reportedly told the staff, who were visibly dismayed. “And don’t forget the ketchup, folks. Lots and lots of ketchup. More ketchup than you can handle. That’s how winners eat.”

Upon being served the overcooked steak, which was now more akin to a leather shoe than the luxurious Japanese delicacy, Trump poured an entire bottle of ketchup over it. The sight left many attendees visibly uncomfortable, but the true breaking point came when Prime Minister Kishida, who had been patiently watching the unfolding spectacle, finally stood up, his face a picture of horror.

“I cannot,” Kishida reportedly muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. “This is an insult to the culinary art. To Japan. To the very spirit of Kobe beef.”

Sources close to the Japanese delegation said Kishida was visibly agitated as he took his leave, muttering something about “honoring tradition” and “the loss of dignity.” He was quickly escorted out of the White House, followed by a few aides who appeared equally disheartened by the turn of events.

Meanwhile, Trump, completely oblivious to the diplomatic disaster unfolding before him, was seen dunking another piece of the charred meat into ketchup with abandon, nodding with satisfaction.

“It’s not just a steak; it’s a statement,” Trump declared to those still seated at the table. “If you can’t handle a well-done steak with ketchup, then you don’t know power. It’s a man’s meal. It’s a winner’s meal.”

When asked about the incident later, Trump’s spokesperson defended his actions, saying, “The former president is simply a man of bold tastes. He doesn’t follow rules. He makes his own rules. If the Prime Minister couldn’t appreciate the genius of this steak, that’s on him.”

However, critics were quick to weigh in on the diplomatic blunder. “This is a national embarrassment,” said one unnamed White House advisor. “Kobe beef is the pinnacle of Japanese culinary artistry. To ruin it like that is unforgivable.”

At press time, reports indicated that Prime Minister Kishida had returned to Japan, where he held a private meeting with his staff to discuss possible future responses to the diplomatic incident, including the possibility of sending a formal “steak apology” to the United States.

include a very pointed statement from former german chancellor angela merkel about donald trump’s behavior and her support of the japanese prime minister’s action

Angela Merkel Supports Japanese Prime Minister’s Bold Walkout, Slams Trump’s “Culinary Disrespect”

Berlin, Germany — Former German Chancellor Angela Merkel has joined the chorus of international voices condemning Donald Trump’s recent actions at a state dinner, where he famously ruined a prestigious Kobe beef steak with excessive overcooking and an entire bottle of ketchup. Merkel, known for her diplomatic finesse and no-nonsense approach, offered a pointed critique of Trump’s behavior and expressed full support for Japanese Prime Minister Fumio Kishida’s decision to walk out of the event in protest.

In an exclusive statement released from her office, Merkel said, “What happened last night was not merely a breach of culinary standards, but a deep disrespect to the culture and traditions of Japan. Kobe beef is more than just food; it is a cultural treasure, and treating it in such a careless, destructive manner is beyond the pale.”

She continued, “I fully support Prime Minister Kishida’s decision to leave the event. Sometimes, standing by one’s values is more important than sitting through a diplomatic dinner, especially when those values are rooted in respect for others. Japan has a long history of craftsmanship, and to see that disrespected in such a way is truly unfortunate.”

Merkel, who has often been lauded for her measured and diplomatic tone during her tenure as Chancellor, did not hold back in her condemnation. “This is not about steak,” she said. “This is about understanding and respecting the legacies of other cultures. If one cannot grasp the importance of something as basic as a meal, how can one engage meaningfully on the global stage?”

While many international leaders have remained silent on the matter, Merkel’s strong statement has added fuel to the growing discontent over the event. Political analysts speculate that her remarks could signal a shift in how European leaders, particularly in Germany, view Trump’s unorthodox approach to international diplomacy.

At press time, Merkel had received widespread praise for her bold stance, particularly from those advocating for a return to more traditional diplomatic norms and respect for cultural sensitivity.

include pointed and profane responses from japanese citizens over this and have celebrated japanese-american actor george takei weigh in

Japanese Citizens Outraged Over Trump’s Ketchup-Fueled Steak Disaster, George Takei Weighs In

Tokyo, Japan — The fallout from Donald Trump’s infamous treatment of Kobe beef at a recent state dinner has ignited a firestorm of anger among Japanese citizens, many of whom are furious at the former president’s blatant disrespect for one of their nation’s most prized culinary traditions. The backlash has been swift and intense, with numerous public figures, including celebrated Japanese-American actor George Takei, offering their pointed—though decidedly profane—responses.

The incident began when Trump requested his Kobe beef be cooked “well done,” a culinary crime in itself for such a rare and delicate cut of meat, but it escalated when he doused the charred steak with an entire bottle of ketchup. Prime Minister Fumio Kishida, unable to bear the insult, walked out of the event, leaving Trump to continue his indulgent meal unperturbed.

On social media, Japanese citizens expressed their outrage with a mix of disbelief and profanity. One user, Kenji Tanaka, tweeted, “What the hell is wrong with that guy? You don’t ruin Kobe beef like that. It’s not a damn hamburger! Trump’s treatment of that steak is an international disgrace. Ketchup? On Kobe beef? I’m f**ing livid.”*

Another Twitter user, Aiko Yamaguchi, shared a meme of Trump with a bottle of ketchup, writing, “When you think your steak is ‘powerful’ but it’s just a burnt pile of disrespect. I’m speechless. This is why I hate that guy.”

In an even more pointed outburst, Tokyo-based chef and food critic Hiroshi Saito said, “Trump is a joke. He has no concept of how real food should be treated. Kobe beef is a symbol of Japanese pride, not some meat you throw ketchup on because you can’t taste the difference between quality and garbage.”

The outcry in Japan has been compounded by the diplomatic implications of Trump’s actions. Many see the incident as a direct insult to Japan’s national identity, with some even calling for a formal apology from the United States.

Amidst the public uproar, Japanese-American actor George Takei, best known for his role in Star Trek and his vocal activism, also weighed in on the debacle with his signature blend of sharp wit and biting sarcasm.

“I’m not just disappointed, I’m furious,” Takei said in a statement. “Kobe beef is a piece of art, a masterpiece of the culinary world, and Trump—well, he wouldn’t recognize a masterpiece if it slapped him across the face with a well-done steak. He’s the kind of guy who would probably put ketchup on a Picasso and call it ‘bold.’ Well, guess what, Don? You’re not bold. You’re just a culinary disaster.”

Takei continued, “I can’t even fathom how someone could be so disconnected from the beauty of fine food. This is beyond ignorance; it’s cultural vandalism. And for a sitting Prime Minister to walk out? That says everything. My blood pressure has never been higher.”

While Takei’s comments were widely praised, many in Japan are still seething over Trump’s behavior. The episode has sparked a wave of online petitions calling for the U.S. to issue a formal apology, with some even suggesting that future diplomatic visits should include a crash course in Japanese culinary etiquette—starting with the basics of cooking beef properly.

Meanwhile, back in the U.S., Trump remains unrepentant, claiming that his actions were a display of “true American power,” and defending his choice to drown the steak in ketchup as a mark of “individualism and strength.” However, it seems the diplomatic fallout may have irreversibly soured U.S.-Japan relations—at least until someone else can clean up the mess… with perhaps a bottle of hot sauce instead.

include trump’s youngest son’s public statement about how embarrased he was over his father’s actions

Trump’s Youngest Son Speaks Out, Expresses Embarrassment Over Father’s Ketchup-Fueled Kobe Beef Disaster

New York, NY — In an unexpected turn of events, Donald Trump’s youngest son, Barron Trump, has publicly expressed his embarrassment over his father’s recent antics at a state dinner, where the former president insisted on ruining a premium Kobe beef steak with overcooking and an excessive amount of ketchup. The 18-year-old son of the former president, who has generally kept a low profile, issued a rare statement that was sharply critical of his father’s behavior and the diplomatic mess it created.

“I honestly can’t believe what I saw,” Barron said in a candid statement. “Kobe beef isn’t just food, it’s a national treasure. My dad’s behavior wasn’t just disrespectful to the Japanese culture; it was disrespectful to everyone in that room. I’m really embarrassed.”

Barron, known for staying out of the public eye during his father’s presidency, didn’t mince words when discussing the infamous steak incident. “I don’t even know where to begin,” he continued. “To ruin a steak like that—let alone pour ketchup on it—is… I don’t know… it’s not normal. And then the whole walking out of the dinner thing with Prime Minister Kishida? I couldn’t even watch. My friends were texting me, asking if I was okay. I mean, I wasn’t okay.”

Sources close to the Trump family say that Barron, who has been described as “introspective” and “quiet,” was particularly upset about the cultural disrespect displayed during the dinner, calling the incident a “bad look” not only for his family but for the United States as a whole.

“I know my dad does a lot of things that are… controversial,” Barron added, “but this was just beyond the line. I don’t care if you’re the former president—some things are just basic decency. I’m not proud of this.”

Barron’s statement has drawn both surprise and praise from many observers, given his historically low public profile. Political pundits speculate that Barron, now in his late teens and increasingly distanced from his father’s political career, may be carving out his own identity separate from the Trump legacy.

“My dad doesn’t always make the best decisions, and I think this was one of his worst,” Barron concluded. “That wasn’t my steak. That wasn’t how we were taught to treat food, or people, for that matter.”

The rare public critique from Barron adds another layer of complexity to the growing international uproar over his father’s actions, with many wondering whether it signals a deeper rift between the Trump family’s younger generation and the public persona of Donald Trump.

As for the former president, he has yet to publicly respond to his son’s remarks, though insiders close to the Trump family suggest he may be privately frustrated by the criticism. Meanwhile, Barron’s comments have sparked conversations online, with many fans of the Trump family expressing sympathy for the young man and a newfound sense of respect for his willingness to speak out.

At press time, Barron was seen quietly dining in a Manhattan café with friends, reportedly choosing a much more modest meal—nothing resembling well-done steak, and definitely no ketchup.

include the japanese government cutting off diplomatic relations with the united states over this incedent and other world leaders throwing in their support

Japan Cuts Diplomatic Ties with U.S. After Trump’s Ketchup-Fueled Steak Scandal, World Leaders Rally in Support of Japan

Tokyo, Japan — In an unprecedented move, the Japanese government has officially announced the suspension of all diplomatic relations with the United States following the scandal at a recent state dinner, where former President Donald Trump infamously ruined a premium Kobe beef steak with overcooking and excessive ketchup. The diplomatic fallout from the incident, which already saw Japanese Prime Minister Fumio Kishida walk out in protest, has escalated into a full-blown international crisis.

In a statement released by Japan’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the government declared, “Japan cannot, in good conscience, continue diplomatic relations with a country whose former leader has shown such blatant disregard for our culture, heritage, and food traditions. The destruction of Kobe beef, a symbol of Japan’s pride, was not merely an insult to Japan but an affront to decency itself. Effective immediately, we are suspending all high-level communication and cooperation with the United States.”

The statement went on to express deep frustration over the lack of a formal apology from the United States, adding, “We have extended the olive branch of diplomacy, and in return, we received nothing but disrespect. Japan will not be made a joke of in the eyes of the world.”

This drastic decision comes after a week of mounting tension following Trump’s actions at the state dinner. The former president’s insistence on drowning a perfectly cooked Kobe beef steak in ketchup, paired with his dismissive attitude toward the cultural significance of the meal, sparked outrage across Japan and the international community. Prime Minister Kishida’s walkout was seen as an act of principle, but the Japanese government’s latest move marks an irreversible rift in U.S.-Japan relations.

In a show of solidarity with Japan, leaders from around the world have expressed their support for the Japanese government’s decision. German Chancellor Olaf Scholz, who had previously joined former Chancellor Angela Merkel in condemning Trump’s actions, voiced his support for Japan’s stance.

“Japan has every right to demand respect for its culture, and I stand with them in this decision,” Scholz said in a public statement. “What happened at that dinner was not just a culinary insult—it was a breach of global decorum. We cannot allow such blatant disregard for another country’s heritage to go unaddressed.”

French President Emmanuel Macron, who had been quietly watching the situation unfold, echoed Scholz’s sentiments, saying, “This is not just about food; this is about respect. And what we saw last week was a complete lack of respect for one of the most revered culinary traditions in the world. Japan’s decision is not only justified but necessary for the preservation of international dignity.”

Even countries with traditionally closer ties to the United States, including the United Kingdom and Canada, have expressed support for Japan’s bold action. UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak released a statement saying, “As an international community, we must stand together in defense of cultural integrity. Japan’s decision is a powerful message to all nations that respect cannot be taken for granted.”

In the United States, the diplomatic fallout has been swift. While former President Trump has continued to downplay the severity of the incident, calling it a “non-issue,” critics have pointed to the growing isolation the U.S. faces on the world stage as a result of his actions. Foreign policy experts are warning that the suspension of U.S.-Japan relations could have long-lasting effects, especially given Japan’s position as a key ally in the Asia-Pacific region.

Back in the U.S., Trump’s youngest son Barron Trump, who had already publicly expressed his embarrassment over the incident, remained silent as the diplomatic crisis continued to unfold. However, political analysts suggest that the younger Trump’s disavowal of his father’s actions may indicate growing frustration within the family regarding the fallout.

At press time, Japan’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs had indicated that it would be sending formal notifications to all major international bodies, including the United Nations, about its decision to suspend relations with the United States. Meanwhile, the White House has yet to issue an official response, but sources within the Biden administration have indicated that they are closely monitoring the situation.

As the diplomatic storm intensifies, world leaders and citizens alike are waiting to see whether the United States will take steps to rectify the situation—or if the world will be left with a permanent fracture in one of its most important alliances, all over a well-done steak, ketchup, and a Diet Coke.

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©2024, Dean A. Basler Jr., all rights reserved