Here I am, sitting at my computer, listening to music on Spotify, and I am thinking about what will happen in two weeks. Yes, I will be married to Dan. We have our marriage license, all the plans have been made…and I still have butterflies in my stomach. What really cemented it for me is the wedding that he and I went to on Friday. Two people that he and I have known for a long time tied the knot (Jim and Charlene Baleno,) and we were invited to their wedding. We had a great time, and it made me realize that couples NEED to be together. When my ex-supervisor Richie Parsons married his long-time lover Lori, I finally knew it was time for me and Dan to tie the knot. When you find someone who cares about you…grab them and hold on with every breath of your being. Yes, I am scared shitless mainly because this is one of the biggest steps I have taken in my life. But…I know that it will all work out. Dan and I have been together for 12 years, and this is just another step in our lives. Three house moves, medical crises, and other assorted bullshit things…we’re still together. I love him. He could have bailed out at any time, but he didn’t.
Month: June 2012
Ruminations on a Saturday Night
Here I am, on a Saturday night, a little over a month to go before that Dan and I get married. I’m on Dan’s laptop, I have Alien Resurrection on the SyFy Channel on the big screen HDTV, sitting in the living room. And the only thing that I can think about is the people who won’t be at my wedding.
My mom: My mother knew that I was gay before I even came out of the closet. I came out in 1999, five years after she had died. But if she were alive now (and she would be 82,) she would accept Dan as her son-in-law. I know for a fact that she would be proud that I was finally able to live my own life.
Interlude: Watching Ripley #8 killing all her sister clones…tragic and sad.
My brother-in-law Jim: He He surprisingly, was very accepting of the choices that I made in my life…he didn’t shun me, he didn’t insult me, he just was there. He and I used to fish together (when I was still into fishing,) he got me stoned for the first time in my life, he gave me a kick in the ass when I needed it the most. And he loved Dan, because he KNEW that Dan was the person who would give me a reason to move forward.
Interlude: Watching the crew of the Betty break into the egg chamber. Scary as fuck!
My brother Dennis: He is dead to me. he has done so much damage to our family that he can never be forgiven. He has threatened to harm myself, my siblings, and others that he has become a non-person. He is scum.
My ex-brother-in-law Dennis (Missy’s ex-husband:) One of the most racist, misogynistic, homophobic assholes in the world. He treated my sister Missy like shit, he brutalized his children, and after he and he and Missy were divorced, married a fat fucking dumb racist and homophobic c**t, who would be a fucking slave to him. I hate women like that.
Interlude: The crew of the Betty finds out that Call is a second-generation android and she patches into the Auriga’s computer to crash it into Earth.
My bosses: I sent them invitations to my wedding as a matter of form. I didn’t expect them to accept, they are from a different social strata than I am.
Interlude: The crew of the Betty are escaping to the Betty: Ripley senses the queen. DeanBear goes for coffee.
And now, the people who I have invited to my wedding…
Mickey and Julie Barden: They are the constants in my life at Empire State Container. Julie knew I was gay the second that she talked to me. And she is a big help since I got my dentures (given that she is also a denture wearer.) Mick and I took a while to warm up together, but I have a helluva lot of respect for him. He talked to me before he bought a new computer, asked my advice on what he should buy, and I helped him set it up.
Interlude: CHESTBURSTER SCENE! And the chief scientist explains it all!
Shit, lit the filter end of my cigarette…
And there are others at work who I invited to my wedding…Dominic…Kaileigh…Marty…Chris (my supervisor.) These people mean something to me, they deserve the choice to come to my wedding or not.
And some ex-employees, such as Tammy (who can be a bigger bitch than some drag queens that I know,) and Charlene, who busted her ass for me when I was suspended for pot smoking, and again busted her ass to dig out some old 401k records when I needed to take money out so I could manage the down payment on my house. Inviting them is a no-brainer…they helped me become what I am today.
Interlude: Ripley escapes to the Betty.
In closing, I have gone through a lot of crap in my life, and there are people who I want to share my wedding with, and people who I don’t want to share it with. There are some people who will not be there that I wish could be, and some people who I couldn’t care less if they were not there. That day will be for the ones who I care about, such as my friends, and my family.
© 2012, Mattydale Pictures LLC, all rights reserved.