Fucking around with AI

Decided to play with ChatGPT:

create a fictional interview about the wife of a bald, short and skinny deputy chief of staff to the president and how she can’t be sexually satisfied until she sings the praises of a sociopathic malignant narcissist president who expresses joy at cutting social welfare programs because the wrong people might get benefits, and that gives the aforementioned deputy chief of staff a pathetic erection.

*****

Absolutely—here’s a fictional, darkly satirical interview that keeps the sexual element suggestive rather than graphic.

**“He Gets So Excited When They Cut Medicaid”: An Interview With the Wife of the President’s Deputy Chief of Staff**

**INTERVIEWER:** Thank you for agreeing to speak with us. First, how would you describe your husband?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Oh, he’s very loyal.

**INTERVIEWER:** I meant physically.

**MRS. WEXLER:** Oh. Well, he’s short. Very short. Bald. Very skinny. He looks like someone assembled a human being from spare parts and then forgot to add confidence.

**INTERVIEWER:** And yet he’s Deputy Chief of Staff to the President.

**MRS. WEXLER:** That’s the funny part. He has enormous power. He just doesn’t have much else.

**INTERVIEWER:** What do you mean?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Let’s put it this way: my husband can get the President to fire a cabinet secretary before breakfast, but he can’t reach the top shelf without a step stool.

**INTERVIEWER:** How did you two meet?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He was working on the President’s first campaign. He came home one night absolutely glowing because the President had spent twenty minutes explaining that poor people were ruining America by receiving government benefits.

**INTERVIEWER:** That was romantic?

**MRS. WEXLER:** For him? Apparently.

**INTERVIEWER:** What happened?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He told me, *“You should have heard him. He was so happy.”*

**INTERVIEWER:** Happy?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Ecstatic. Apparently the President had discovered that someone somewhere had received $38 in food assistance while technically owning a used automobile.

**INTERVIEWER:** And that excited your husband?

**MRS. WEXLER:** You have never seen a man become so enthusiastic about fiscal policy.

**INTERVIEWER:** How does this affect your marriage?

**MRS. WEXLER:** I have learned that romance, for my husband, is largely ideological.

**INTERVIEWER:** Explain.

**MRS. WEXLER:** There are certain things I have to say.

**INTERVIEWER:** Such as?

**MRS. WEXLER:** That the President is a genius. That nobody understands economics like he does. That cutting food assistance will somehow make America prosperous. That people who need housing assistance are probably scammers. That the President’s instincts are always correct.

**INTERVIEWER:** You have to say these things?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Not *have to*. But if I don’t, he becomes distracted.

**INTERVIEWER:** Distracted?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He starts staring at the television. Then he’ll sigh and say, “The President is surrounded by idiots.”

**INTERVIEWER:** And that ruins the mood?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Completely.

**INTERVIEWER:** So what happens when you praise the President?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Suddenly my husband is paying attention again.

**INTERVIEWER:** How enthusiastic are we talking?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Let’s just say that when the President announces another round of cuts to social programs, my husband develops a remarkable spring in his step.

**INTERVIEWER:** That’s a delicate way of putting it.

**MRS. WEXLER:** I’m a delicate woman.

**INTERVIEWER:** Do you actually admire the President?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Absolutely not.

**INTERVIEWER:** Yet you praise him.

**MRS. WEXLER:** I also tell my husband that the casserole he makes is delicious.

**INTERVIEWER:** And it isn’t?

**MRS. WEXLER:** It tastes like drywall mixed with regret.

**INTERVIEWER:** What does your husband say about the President in private?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He calls him a transformational leader.

**INTERVIEWER:** Does he believe that?

**MRS. WEXLER:** I don’t know. I think he believes that being physically close to power makes him powerful by osmosis.

**INTERVIEWER:** Does the President know about your husband’s… enthusiasm?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Oh, the President knows everything.

**INTERVIEWER:** Everything?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He once walked into a meeting and said, “Wexler, you’re looking very happy today.”

**INTERVIEWER:** What did your husband say?

**MRS. WEXLER:** “Thank you, Mr. President.”

**INTERVIEWER:** And was he?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Let’s just say I had to listen to another twenty-minute lecture about welfare fraud that evening.

**INTERVIEWER:** Is there anything that turns your husband off?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Compassion.

**INTERVIEWER:** Seriously?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Absolutely. Once, during dinner, I mentioned that a single mother might actually need assistance to feed her children.

**INTERVIEWER:** What happened?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He put down his fork.

**INTERVIEWER:** That’s it?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He said, “Don’t start.”

**INTERVIEWER:** And you did?

**MRS. WEXLER:** I asked him whether he thought the President might be wrong about something.

**INTERVIEWER:** How did that go?

**MRS. WEXLER:** We ate dinner in silence.

**INTERVIEWER:** Final question. If you could change one thing about your husband, what would it be?

**MRS. WEXLER:** I’d make him approximately eight inches taller.

**INTERVIEWER:** Why?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Because then, at least, when he stood next to the President on television, viewers might mistake him for an actual adult.

**INTERVIEWER:** And if you could change one thing about the President?

**MRS. WEXLER:** I’d give him a conscience.

**INTERVIEWER:** Does your husband know you feel that way?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Of course.

**INTERVIEWER:** What happens when you tell him?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He gets very quiet.

**INTERVIEWER:** And then?

**MRS. WEXLER:** I tell him the President is a historic genius.

**INTERVIEWER:** And then?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He smiles.

**INTERVIEWER:** That’s it?

**MRS. WEXLER:** That’s marriage.

*****

now add some digs about the size of his member and have her describe it’s length, thickness, and how long he can stay erect

*****

I can keep the joke going with non-graphic sexual innuendo, but I can’t provide explicit measurements or detailed descriptions of his genitals or sexual performance.

**INTERVIEWER:** You mentioned your husband’s physical shortcomings. How does he fare in other departments?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Oh, let’s not pretend the man was issued an impressive set of equipment.

**INTERVIEWER:** Meaning?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He’s a very small man with a very large opinion of himself. I’ll let your readers draw their own conclusions.

**INTERVIEWER:** Is his confidence justified?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Let’s just say that his ego has considerably more girth than anything else he’s bringing to the marriage.

**INTERVIEWER:** That’s a fairly brutal assessment.

**MRS. WEXLER:** You haven’t seen him standing beside the President during a press conference. The President is talking about dismantling the social safety net, and my husband looks like he’s just been handed the keys to a Ferrari.

**INTERVIEWER:** So the President’s policies are more stimulating to him than anything else?

**MRS. WEXLER:** I’m afraid so.

**INTERVIEWER:** How long does that enthusiasm last?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Oh, not long. He’s a government employee, after all. Even his excitement seems to have a budget ceiling.

**INTERVIEWER:** That’s cruel.

**MRS. WEXLER:** Marriage is cruel. Marriage is looking at the man you love and thinking, *“That’s it? That’s the entire package?”*

**INTERVIEWER:** What happens when the President announces another benefit cut?

**MRS. WEXLER:** My husband suddenly stands taller.

**INTERVIEWER:** Even though he’s short?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Especially because he’s short.

**INTERVIEWER:** And when the President praises him?

**MRS. WEXLER:** He becomes insufferable. You’d think he’d personally negotiated the Magna Carta.

**INTERVIEWER:** What’s the secret to keeping him happy?

**MRS. WEXLER:** Tell him the President is brilliant, tell him poor people are probably gaming the system, and never, ever suggest that the man in the Oval Office might be wrong.

**INTERVIEWER:** That’s quite a prescription.

**MRS. WEXLER:** It has fewer side effects than marriage counseling.

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